


Chatroom mayhem

by 6Husbandos



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel), The Dragon Prince (Cartoon), Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: General tomfoolery, Multi, Polyamory, chatroom shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2020-06-03 12:57:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19464475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/6Husbandos/pseuds/6Husbandos
Summary: Goatman69-LucioXxx_plauge_masochist_xxX-JulianDilfmage-VirenStarmage-AaravosGaltean_prince-LotorI had this idea and I needed to share it because I love my poly crossover husbands and I want them all to be happy and togetherEDIT: Crowntwunk-Soren





	1. Chapter 1

**Dilfmage has entered the chat**

**Goatman69 has entered the chat**

**Galaltean_Prince has entered the chat**

**Xxx_plague_masochist_xxX has entered the chat**

**Starmage has entered the chat**

Goatman69: really, julian?

Xxx_plague_masochist_xxX: what?

Goatman69: ur name it looks like an edgy ten year old trying to be cool

Galtean price: I don't see anything wrong with it? (゜-゜)

Dilfmage: Aaravos why

Starmage: what?

Dilfmage: When I asked you to help me make this account this name was not what I expected. What does dilf even mean?

Xxx_plague_masochistxxX: Dad I'd Like to Fuck

Dilfmage: Why have you done this?

Starmage: because its true

Galtean_prince: I have no idea what's going on

Goatman69: basically ur all idiots

Dilfmage: Says the man who tried to make a deal with the devil

Goatman69: I HAD MY REASONS U FUCK

Dilfmage: would It kill you to spell properly?

Galtean_prince: wait. Would it?

Starmage: it's a human figure of speech, lotor

Galtean_prince: oooooooo L(・o・)」

Xxx_plague_masochist_xxX: where are you getting those emojis from?

Galtean_prince: one of the paladins installed a thing on my comm pad

Goatman69: u mean an app?

Galtean_prince: a what?

Goatman69: omfg ur a moron

Dilfmage: oh and you aren't?

Goatman69: I HAD MY REASONS

Starmage: your magic is lackluster, you never wear a shirt, your clothing is atrocious and your username features a sex act

Starmage: need I go on?

Xxx_plauge_masochist_xxX: holy shit I'm coming over to treat that burn

Goatman69: SAYS THE GUY WHO HAS HIS TITS OUT ALL THE TIME

Starmage: unlike you I actually have a biological reason to. You do not.

Dilfmage: Doesn't Julian do the same thing though?

Starmage: yes but his chest is actually appealing to look at

Xxx_plauge_masochist_xxX: AARAVOS YOU SAVAGE, also thank you

Starmage: of course

Galtean_prince: I like Lucio's chest. (´∀｀)♡

Goatman69: tu lotor. At least somebody appreciates me

Dilfmage: Says the man who does nothing for his country but throw parties

Goatman69: YOU FUCKING COMMITTED TREASON DON'T TALK DOWN TO ME

Xxx_plauge_masochistxxX: oooooo hit a nerve there did we?

Galtean_prince: can we please just not fight? （／_＼）

Starmage: my apologies, lotor.

Galtean_prince: it's ok

Dilfmage: so how are things at the empire?

Galtean_prince: I hate my life

Goatman69: that bad hm?

Galtean_prince: yea... (∩︵∩)

Galtean_prince: that and Allura...

Goatman69: here we go a fucking gain

Xxx_plauge_masochist_xxX: lucio stfu

Dilfmage: It's over now, she can't hurt you again. I won't that happen.

Galtean_prince: Thank you

Starmage: want us to come over?

Galtean_prince: ...could you?

Xxx_plague_masochist_xxX: of course

Goatman69: I guess

Dilfmage: I'd love to.

Starmage: I'll bring snacks.

Galtean_prince: I'm happy we're together. ( ˘ ³˘)

Dilfmage: I am too.

Galtean_prince: I'll see you guys soon.

**Galtean_prince has left the chat**

**Dilfmage has left the chat**

**Starmage has left the chat**

**Xxx_plauge_masochist_xxX has left the chat**

**Goatman69 has left the chat**


	2. The adventure of Two Girls one cup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the title says it all fam

**Galtean_prince has entered the chat**

**Plaugemasochist has entered the chat**

**Dilfmage has entered the chat**

**Starmage has entered the chat**

**Goatman69 has entered the chat**

Goatman69: finally u fuckin change it

Plaugemasochist: shut up

Dilfmage: I hate Opeli

Galtean_prince: again?

Dilfmage: yes, again.

Starmage: she pushed him down the stairs and then talked over him during the meeting with the council

Galtean_prince: are you alright, Viren?

Dilfmage: I'll be fine, just a few bruises.

Galtean_prince: if you're sure...

Dilfmage: I am.

Goatmage: ok but anyone see the new tea on jacklyn glen?

Galtean_prince: ??

Starmage: gossip

Galtean_prince: ooooo

Plaugemasochist: lucio you're the only one who keeps up with that kinda thing

Goatman69: you're all idiots

Galtean_prince: guys?

Dilfmage: Yes?

Galtean_prince: what's two girls one cup?

Plaugemasochist: NO. NO NO NO NO NO DO NOT LOOK THAT UP I SWEAR TO GOD

Goatman69: JULIAN'S RIGHT DONT LOOK IT UP PLEASE LOTOR

Dilfmage: Now I'm curious.

Starmage: as am i.

Galtean_prince: why?

Plaugemasochist: BECAUSE ITS DISGUSTING

Dilfmage:....Dear Gods. I'm going to be sick

Goatman69: WELL SHIT

Starmage: ??

Galtean_prince: Now I need to see this.

Plaugemasochist: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**10 minutes later**

Galtean_prince: i....

Plaugemasochist: holy shit you watched the whole damn thing didnt you

Galtean_prince:.....yes

Starmage: well?

Galtean_prince: I can never look at chocolate ice cream the same again

Starmage: OH

Starmage: OH NO

Starmage: WAIT IS THAT A HUMAN THING

Goatman69: NO

Plaugemasochist:....its...not very common. But...yes. the video is a fetish porn.

Dilfmage: ...

Goatman69: u ok?

Dilfmage: no

Plaugemasochist: oh boy...

Dilfmage: Please tell me that that is not a trend. Please tell me this is not something my children could get forced into.

Goatman69: I promise you it's not

Dilfmage: Thank you.

Galtean_prince: why would someone make that? Why would someone...engage in...that

Plaugemasochist: because people are fucked

Starmage: well...that was...an experience

Goatman69: U WATCHED IT TOO?!

Starmage: not as bad as I was expecting actually

Goatman69: wat

Starmage: I've seen worse

Goatman69: I dont wanna fucking know

Dilfmage: im... I cant. This is...atrocious

Starmage: we're coming over.

Plaugemasochist: I'll pick up lotor.

Dilfmage:...bring buckets. I ran out.

Goatman69: holy shit

Galtean_prince: many buckets

Starmage: got it. We'll see you in a bit.

**Starmage has left the chat**

**Goatman69 has left the chat**

**Dilfmage has left the chat**

**Galtean_prince has left the chat**

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	3. Lotor is sick???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lotor's been acting strange lately, the gang finds out why

**Goatman69 has entered the chat**

**Dilfmage has entered the chat**

**Starmage has entered the chat**

**Plaugemasochist has entered the chat**

Goatman69: so. Lotor is the newest to the group.

Dilfmage: yes?

Goatman69: anyone know what he's packing?

Plaugemasochist: Lucio is2g

Starmage: why?

Goatman69: I wanna know who doing the riding when we fuck

Dilfmage: you...you don't ask questions like that.

Goatman69: WE'RE ALL THINKING IT STFU

Starmage: I'm not sure...

Plaugemasochist: I must admit I do have some questions about him. But has anyone noticed how strange he's been lately?

Dilfmage: what do you mean?

Plaugemasochist: hes much more touchy.

Starmage: as in?

Plaugemasochist: like, he gets angry easily with his generals, but around us he's like a kitten seeking attention.

Goatman69: I mean him sitting in my lap is always fucking great. And his hair is so soft I wanna sleep in it.

Dilfmage: he has been more cuddly lately. Always wanting to be touched.

Plaugemasochist: not only that but he's been like an oven lately. His body temperature is always so cold, and now...

Starmage: you think he is ill?

Plaugemasochist: maybe

Plaugemasochist: it scares me tbh

Dilfmage: tbh??

Goatman69: to be honest

Dilfmage: ah

Starmage: well he hasn't been bed ridden as of right now.

**Galtean_prince has entered the chat**

Dilfmage: hello love

Goatman69: hey babe

Galtean_prince: ....

Starmage: Lotor?

Galtean_prince: I need to confess something

Plaguemasochist: oh God please dont tell us you have alien cancer

Galtean_prince: ????

Plaugemasochist: nothing go ahead

Galtean_prince: I'm in heat.

Goatman69: YOU'RE WHAT?!

Galtean_prince: In heat. （／_＼）

Dilfmage: So...all of the touching, mood swings...

Galtean_prince: yes...signs of the beginning of the heat cycle

Starmage: well this is a pleasant suprise.

Galtean_prince: you're not disgusted?

Goatman69: how long does it last?

Galtean_prince: 3 earth months

Plaugemasochist: HOLY SHIT YOU'RE KIDDING

Galtean_prince: no

Goatman69: Lotor you basically just told us that for three months you need to get absolutely wrecked ever day. 

Goatman69: why would we be disgusted

Galtean_prince: Allura...

Goatman69: no. Shut up. I get it. She's an asshole.

Dilfmage: Lucio, a little more tactful behavior would do you wonders.

Goatman69: stfu old man

Dilfmage: an old man whose name you were screaming last night

Plaugemasochist: guys pack up Lotor we'll be there as soon as we can.

Galtean_prince: all of you?

Plaugemasochist: yes. 3 months of heat? We are staying to help you thru 

Starmage: may i ask a question Lotor?

Galtean_prince: go on

Starmage: do you have a knot? Or perhaps a hermaphrodite?

Galtean_prince: ??

Goatman69: basically if you got both a dick and a vagina

Galtean_prince: I wouldnt really consider it a vagina per say. More like a slit that it comes out of

Goatman69: but we can stick our dicks in it

Dilfmage: why are you so vulgar

Goatman69: because fuck u

Galtean_prince: basically, yes.

Goatman69: nice.

Galtean_prince: to answer your other question, yes.

Plaugemasochist: OH FUCK YEA I CALL FIRST DIBS

Dilfmage: HES NOT A RIDE AT AN AMUSEMENT PARK NO ONE CAN CALL DIBS

Goatman69: he just fucking did.

Galtean_prince: Guys... please...I need someone right now

Dilfmage: I'll be there in about 10 minutes, can you hold out till then?

Galtean_prince: I can try.

Dilfmage: good boy i do have a request.

Galtean_prince: anything

Dilfmage: we'll a small lesson on how things work for you. That way we won't hurt you by mistake.

Galtean_prince: I was planning to anyway, i can say my "dick" works similar to a humans

Goatman69: fuck yea. We're on our way, babe. Just hold on.

Plaugemasochist: should we bring anything? Food, lubricants, toys, lotions??

Galtean_prince: Meat. Lots of it. It's the only thing I can eat during this.

Starmage: done.

Dilfmage: see you soon, love

**Dilfmage has left the chat**

**Plaugemasochist has left the chat**

**Starmage has left the chat**

**Galtean_prince has left the chat**

**Goatman69 has left the chat**


	4. SAY HELLO TO REDDIT BOYS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I blame this entirely on the fact that i watch way too many anti mlm and vaxxhappened videos 
> 
> NOW FEATURING MEMES

**Dilfmage has entered the chat**

**Goatman69 has entered the chat**

**Plaugemasochist has entered the chat**

**Starmage has entered the chat**

**Galtean_prince has entered the chat**

Plaugemasochist: guys you're not going to believe the procedure I just had to do.

Starmage: please enlighten us, Julian.

Plaugemasochist: ok, so viagra. It's a drug to combat erectile dysfunction.

Galtean_prince: go on.

Dilfmage: oh gods I think I know where this is going.

Goatman69: you take viagra?

Dilfmage: do you?

Galtean_prince: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Plaugemasochist: guys

Starmage: yes?

Plaugemasochist: so this guy comes in, and he's walking oddly. Valdemar brings me over and points to the guy's tented pants

Galtean_prince: I thought erections were a good thing?

Plaugemasochist: not if they last for a whole week.

Goatman69: YOU'RE SHITTING US

Plaugemasochist: I'm not. Not only that, but he had somehow wedged one of those ceramic anime girl figures so far up his ass, WITHOUT LUBE, He couldn't get it out. This guy was like at least late 20s

Dilfmage: ...I have no words

Goatman69: H O W

Galtean_prince: is he ok?

Plaugemasochist: hes doing fine now but it was so damn difficult to not laugh at this poor man.

Starmage:

Plaugemasochist: so did I. It took us 3 hours to finally get the figure out. Then we had to cut off the circulation so he could finally not have a boner.

Plaugemasochist: BUT AS THE FUCKER WAS LEAVING I HEAR HIM SAY TO VALDEMAR

Plaugemasochist: "My sweet little lady at home can't wait to get busy again." BITCH I TOLD YOU NO SEX AND YET YOU PLAN ON HAVING IT THAT NIGHT?!

Dilfmage: i...

Goatman69: IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND

Starmage: Humans...are very strange sometimes.

Plaugemasochist: ok so now I just want to vent a bit.

Galtean_prince: Go ahead (*^▽^*)

Plaugemasochist: I hate anti vaxxers so fucking much.

Dilfmage: pardon?

Plaugemasochist: basically idiots who won't vaccinate their children because it "causes autism" or "it's not vegan" and so they use fucking essential oils to try to prevent their kids from getting sick.

Dilfmage: I'm guessing by your phrasing they do not

Plaugemasochist: exactly.

Galtean_prince: do the oils work?

Plaugemasochist: no. Most of the kids I get are actually ALLERGIC to them, but the parents use them on the kids anyway. Oh did I forget to mention that I had a parent come in and say vaccines cause homosexuality?

Plaugemasochist: so does tap water.

Goatman69: W H A T?! NO. HOW

Starmage: What kind of magic have they been doing to come to this conclusion?

Galtean_prince:

Plaugemasochist: I just...augh

Dilfmage: guys?

Starmage: hm?

Dilfmage: A woman sent me a message about a business opportunity?

Goatman69: OH GOD. THE KARENS GOT VIREN.

Galtean_prince: Viren where are you? I will fight them off.

Goatman69: you really know how to ruin a joke, Lotor.

Starmage: Well maybe you should explain earth jokes to him better.

Goatman69: stfu

Dilfmage: I'm fine Lotor, not to worry.

Plaugemasochist: what's the business?

Dilfmage: pure romance?

Starmage: ....no way.

Goatman69: what?

Plaugemasochist: so...not essential oils?

Dilfmage: no, but she won't tell me what she sells?

Starmage: sex toys. Pure romance sells sex toys.

Galtean_prince: WHAT

Goatman69: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME

Goatman69: SOME KAREN IS TRYING TO SUCKER VIREN INTO A SEX TOY MLM?

Starmage: yes Galtean_prince: how do you know about this?

Starmage:.... Their products are cheaply made and don't last long.

Plaugemasochist: YOU'VE TRIED THEM?!

Starmage: I prefer bad dragon, personally.

Goatman69: WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!

IM LOSING MY SHIT

Plaugemasochist: why you though?

Dilfmage: she...said it would be a great birthday present for Claudia.

Starmage: what

Galtean_prince: ....

Plaugemasochist: that is...so wrong...in so many ways

Goatman69: I CAN'T BREATHE

Dilfmage: what would make anyone think I would want to get anything like that for my daughter?!

Goatman69: I'm posting this chat on r/mlm I can't

Dilfmage: i... I think that's enough internet for today.

Starmage: we're coming over.

Goatman69: I'm showing you guys the subreddit it's full of gold just like this.

Plaugemasochist: only if I can show the vaxhappened one.

Goatman69: deal

Galtean_prince: I will come as well.

**Dilfmage has left the chat**

**Goatman69 has left the chat**

**Starmage has left the chat**

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	5. Attack of Monat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lotor tries Monat...  
> it does not go well

**Galtean_prince has entered the chat**

**Dilfmage has entered the chat**

**Starmage has entered the chat**

**Plaguemasochist has entered the chat**

**Goatman69 has entered the chat**

Galtean_prince: GUYS HELP ME

Goatman69: wat

Dilfmage: Lotor what's wrong?

Galtean_prince: MY HAIR IS FALLING OUT AND MY SCALP IS BURNING

Plaugemasochist: Lotor, calm down. Just breathe. Has anything in your haircare routine changed?

Galtean_prince: no..

Plaugemasochist: have you changed any of the products you use?

Galtean_prince:...well I have been using this new shampoo and conditioner...

Plaugemasochist: what brand or brands are they?

Galtean_prince: hold on...

Starmage: I hope it's not what I think it is...

Galtean_prince: Monat.

Starmage: well there goes my hope.

Plaugemasochist: ????

Goatman69: WAIT. THAT NAME IS FAMILIAR

Dilfmage: please enlighten us, Aaravos.

Starmage: I've used their products before.

Goatman69: W H A T

Dilfmage: shush

Starmage: their products are universally known for damaging hair rather than helping it.

Galtean_prince: but the lady said they were all organic?

Starmage: false.

Goatman69: WAIT ISNT THIS THE STUFF THAT MAKES YOU BALD

Galtean_prince: WHAT?!

Plaugemasochist: Oh god...

Starmage: I do not know what they use in their products, but please Lotor, you need to throw them out.

Galtean_prince:...How am I going to face the empire?

Starmage: it's been awhile, but I can concoct a treatment

Starmage: that can help. Viren, can you help me get what I need?

Goatman69: Viren?

Galtean_prince: viren?

Plaugemasochist: hello?

Dilfmage: sorry, I was helping Claudia put away some things she bought. What were we talking about again?

Goatman69: monat is making lotor lose his hair.

Dilfmage: wait...

Starmage: oh gods

Dilfmage: I'll be right back

Goatman69: holy fucking shit

Galtean_prince: will it work, Aara?

Starmage: yes. How many times have you used them?

Galtean_prince: 6

Starmage: alright.

Dilfmage: I'm back.

Goatman69: she fucking bought monat didn't she?

Dilfmage:...yes she's angry that I burned it up before she could use it, saying the lady gave her a discount because she liked her hair.

Goatman69: what is with you guys and being mlm magnets?

Plaugedoctor:....oh. I think we all fell asleep before we could show those anti mlm videos.

Goatman69: you're all idiots

Starmage: viren

Dilfmage: ?

Starmage: I want to make a potion that can help lotor. Can you help?

Dilfmage: of course.

Starmage: lovely.

Plaugemasochist: did you get anything else you wouldn't normally?

Galtean_prince: well...I did get these oils..the guy said I could put them in food...

Plaugemasochist: D O N O T

Galtean_prince: why?

Plaugemasochist: they're essential oils, right?

Galtean_prince: yes

Plaugemasochist: THEY ARE NOT MADE TO BE EATEN. I HAVE HAD TOO MANY KIDS COME IN SICK BECAUSE SOME DUMBASS PARENT KEEPS PUTTING OILS IN THEIR FOOD

Galtean_prince: how do I use them then?

Plaugemasochist: you need an oil defuser. They spray a mix of the oil and water in the air so it smells nice.

Galtean_prince: ooooooo

Dilfmage: I'm sorry you have to go through that Lotor.

Galtean_prince: no, it's my fault

Galtean_prince: I bought them on a whim. I didn't know how much it would cost me.

Starmage: it will take some time, but the potion will bring your hair back to its silky state. We will however need to cut your hair.

Galtean_prince: WHAT?!

Starmage: I know you don't want to. But the less contaminated hair you have, the more effective the potion is.

Galtean_prince:....fine. how short does it need to be?

Starmage: about Julian's length.

Galtean_prince:.....ok.

Goatman69: don't worry, I'll help you make it work until your hair grows back.

Plaugemasochist: Aaravos, is there anything I can do atm that can help the burning stop but won't mess up your potion?

Starmage: a soak of lemon, apple, and watermelon.

Starmage: make sure it's cold. I'll have a medicine to bring over in a few minutes.

Dilfmage: I can bring you what you need for the actual potion.

Starmage: I'll dm you the list

Dilfmage: alright.

Goatman69: I'll bring my hairkit. And I'll bring some style mags

Goatman69: you can choose a style from

Galtean_prince: I'm scared...it really hurts...I can feel more hair falling out...

Plaugemasochist: we're on our way.

**Galtean_prince has left the chat**

**Dilfmage has left the chat**

**Goatman69 has left the chat**

**Starmage has left the chat**

**Plaughemasochist has left the chat**


	6. A wild Karen encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucio tells a story about his encounter with a wild Karen

**Goatman69 has entered the chat**

**Starmage has entered the chat**

**Galtean_prince has entered the chat**

**Plaguemasochist has entered the chat**

**Dilfmage has entered the chat**

Goatman69: you guys are not gonna fucking believe what happened while me I was out shopping today holy shit.

Starmage: well, do go on.

Goatman69: I SPOTTED A WILD KAREN IN HER NATURAL HABITAT

Galtean_prince: A what?

Dilfmage: ???

Plaugemasochist: A stereotype of soccer moms I guess?? Like suburban white women who have an SUV and think that their asshole doesn't stink.

Dilfmage:

Starmage: I second that.

Galtean_prince: why Karen tho?

Plaugemasochist: common name

Galtean_prince: ah

Goatman69: ok so I'm at Sephora, and I'm looking around you know

Goatman69: and then this woman, she was in a trashy tank top that

Goatman69: couldn't cover one roll of fat let alone three

Dilfmage: Really?

Goatman69: it was revolting, shut up.

Goatman69: anyway

Goatman69: she's in the trashy tank top, shorts that look more like a denim thong and you could

Goatman69: smell the hair spray from a mile away.

Galtean_prince: so she was wearing a 'jong'?

Dilfmage: a what

Plaugemasochist: YOU DID NOT JUST FUCKING SAY THAT

Starmage:

Dilfmage: WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

Starmage: it's a meme. Basically anything made of denim would be called something different, like for example, denim boots would be called "joots"

Dilfmage: ooooooooo ok. So jong is...

Starmage: denim thong

Goatman69: EXCUSE ME I WAS TELLING A STORY STFU

Plaguemasochist: r u d e

Goatman69: shut it

Goatman69: as I was saying

Goatman69: this bitch walks to the counter, slams down a fucking nasty handful of stick highlighters. Like they had hair in them, they were moldy

Goatman69: you could smell the chemicals fucking the hairspray

Dilfmage:

Goatman69: she starts screaming for someone to come to the counter and help her.

Goatman69: this poor kid runs over tries to ask her about the problem and this bitch fuckin goes off

Goatman69: "WHY WOULD YOU SELL THESE DISGUSTING THINGS?! "

Goatman69: "THERE'S MOLD AND HAIR!" As this poor girl is trying to calm her down, she starts yelling for a refund. Obviously, they can't cuz the highlighters are used.

Goatman69: so tank top starts yelling for a manager. Turns out, the kid she's yelling

Goatman69: IS the manager. Tank top looks like she's about to pop a blood vessel, yelling even louder

Galtean_prince: that poor girl...

Goatman69: this kid is on the verge of a meltdown, she's shaking and trembling.

Goatman69: so I walk over to the counter, I nod to the girl as I turn to tank top.

Goatman69: tank top looks at me, and goes "oh thank God, I knew they wouldn't hire a child to run this high end establishment."

Dilfmage: W H A T

Goatman69: the girl goes to correct her, but I stop her. "Yes, ma'am. What seems to be the problem?" Tank top tells me about bow she's had these highlighters for years and now they're moldy

Plaugemasochist: seriously?

Goatman69: "you got the receipt?"

Goatman69: I ask. "No." 'Where is it?' "I lost it." 'Well you can't return them.'

Goatman69: "but-" 'also, there's this thing humans have. They are called eyes.'

Goatman69: I pick up one of the highlighters

Goatman69: 'and if you look here, at this little

Goatman69: 'jar icon, it will tell you how long this makeup will last.' Is2g, she bought these during the Vietnam war. These things were fucking disgusting. So tank top is yelling her ass off at me while I motion the kid to call security.

Goatman69: they drag her away and she yells "IM NEVER COMING HERE AGAIN!" So I yell back 'GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE!'

Goatman69: this poor kid is crying, thanking me for helping her. She offered me a discount but I declined.

Goatman69: but yeah, don't be a dick to retail employees.

Galtean_prince: is she ok?

Goatman69: yeah, everyone else was on break when it happened so I stayed till someone got back. She was shaken, but I called earlier and she's feeling better

Plaugemasochist: I never knew you had the capacity to stand up for someone Lucio

Starmage: I bet she was giving him a headache that's why he stepped in.

Galtean_prince: guys come on

Dilfmage: well I for one welcome this new side lucio

Dilfmage: it was very kind of you to help her out.

Goatman69: I know ;:)

Plaguemasochist: stop being a bitch for once will you?

Goatman69: sorry for being a queen I guess

Galtean_prince: don't you mean king?

Goatman69: you can't stan a king so I'm a queen

Dilfmage: who is stan???

Plaugemasochist: I FUCKIN

Dilfmage: WHO IS STAN???

Starmage: it's a new way of saying you're a fan of something, Viren

Dilfmage: oh

Goatman69: who is stan

Dilfmage: what have I done.

Galtean_prince: who is stan

Dilfmage: you're never letting me live this down are you?

Plaugemasochist: who is stan

Starmage: who is stan

Dilfmage: NOT YOU TOO

Galtean_prince: I'm sorry but that was HILARIOUS

Dilfmage: yes yes I'm an old man who doesn't keep up with these "memes"

Goatman69: ITS NOT A MEME THO

Dilfmage: WELL WHAT IS IT

Plaugemasochist: slang

Dilfmage: well its interchangeable I'm old, shut up I get it

Starmage: well with age comes experience...

Goatman69: true

Galtean_prince: we meeting at The castle then?

Plaugemasochist: OOOOOOOOOOO VIREN YOU GONNA GET LAID TONIGHT BOI

Starmage: you're coming too Julian.

Goatman69: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ORGY NIGHT

Galtean_prince: LETS DO THIS

**Plaugemasochist has left the chat**

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	7. NICE GUY??????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viren shares a nice guy encounter

**Galtean_prince has entered the chat**

**Dilfmage has entered the chat**

**Goatman69 has entered the chat**

**Plaugemasochist has entered the chat**

**Starmage has entered the chat**

Dilfmage: I forgot Claudia set up a grindr for me.

Goatman69: WHAT

Plaugemasochist: I fucking

Dilfmage: guys....

Starmage: Viren?

Galtean_prince: ???

Dilfmage: I just had the weirdest conversation.

Starmage: screenshots?

* * *

_Wankerchief: hey handsome_

_Cockwizard: hello_

_Wankerchief: what's a beautiful specimen like yourself doing in a place like this?_

_Cockwizard: actually I was about to delete this._

_Wankerchief: I'm sorry you have to deal with such assholes_

_Wankerchief: not all guys are like that. I hate that guys give us nice guys a bad name._

_Cockwizard: excuse me?_

_Wankerchief: let me take care of you, treat you to breakfast in bed, pleasure you in all the best ways_

_Cockwizard: I'm sorry but I'm actually seeing someone._

_Wankerchief: ...._

_Wankerchief: wow slut it was only a joke_

_Cockwizard:_

_Wankerchief: like I would want to go out with a filthy hoe like you. You've probably got aids and crabs_

_Wankerchief: I hope he rapes you and beats you_

_Wankerchief: I hope you die_

**_/you can no longer talk to this user/_**

* * *

Goatman69: OH MY GOD

Plaugemasochist: holy shit you met a nice guy

Dilfmage: did you and I just read the same screenshots? He was anything but nice

Starmage: it's a term that means a man who acts nice but upon rejection will do a 360 in attitude

Galtean_prince: how is that nice????

Goatman69: they refer to themselves as "nice guys" hence the name

Dilfmage: I still can't believe that that was a real human being

Plaugemasochist: should've sent this to him

Goatman69: also Goatman69: COCKWIZARD?! YOUR DAUGHTER NAMED YOU COCKWIZARD

Dilfmage: I was just as surprised as you are

Starmage: I mean...its true

Galtean_prince:

Dilfmage: brb

Dilfmage: I got a package

Starmage: it begins

Galtean_prince: ???

Dilfmage: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS

Goatman69: what is it

Starmage: you're welcome

Dilfmage: AARAVOS WHAT THE FRESH HELL DID YOU SEND ME

Starmage: look in the box 

Dilfmage: bad dragon????

Plaugemasochist: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT ONE DID YOU GET HIM?!

Starmage:

Goatmage69: oh fuck that looks good

Plaugemasochist: Viren that brand is amazing seriously its gonna rock your world.

Dilfmage: it looks like it's going to hurt

Galtean_prince: it won't, believe me.

Starmage: perhaps we can all jump on Skype 

Starmage: and Viren can make a show of it~♡

Dilfmage: I

Goatman69: IM IN

Plaugemasochist: HELL YEA

Galtean_prince: please Viren?

Dilfmage: fine...but if I end up having to go to the hospital you're paying the bills 

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	8. Kombucha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lotor has poor taste but Soren comes to the rescue
> 
> *Implied Sorvir I'm sorry im trash*

**Dilfmage has entered the chat**

**Plaugemasochist has entered the chat**

**Starmage has entered the chat**

**Goatman69 has entered the chat**

**Galtean_prince has entered the chat**

Starmage: who is this onision person and why is he pouring alcohol on himself? 

Goatman69: OH MY GOD YOU'RE NOT 

Plaugemasochist: oh no 

Galtean_prince: isn't that the one that Chris Hansen person is investigating? 

Dilfmage:

Dilfmage: Lotor don't

Galtean_prince: why is he in a diaper

Plaugemasochist: DON'T GIVE HIM VIEWS

Goatman69: oh god

Starmage: this is a very disturbed human being

Goatman69: wait, Viren how do you know who onion is

Dilfmage: Harrow is not good with computers.

Goatman69: that doesn't answer my question 

Dilfmage: ..... Harrow....has very poor taste. 

Plaugemasochist:

Goatman69: UR SHITTING ME RIGHT?! THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE. THERE IS NO WAY YOU ARE SERIOUS 

Plaguemasochist: please say sike 

Galtean_prince: ? 

Starmage: .....I mean.... 

Goatman69:

Starmage: hes not bad looking 

Plaugemasochist:

Starmage: his twitter does give me ideas for later use

Dilfmage: Aaravos you're scaring me

Starmage: good

**Crowntwunk has entered the chat**

Dilfmage: Um...hello?

Crowntwunk: hey dad, hey...uh, star elf dude

Starmage: hello soren

Dilfmage: SOREN?! HOW DID YOU 

Crowntwunk: Dad, you left your phone out when clauds came home with that shampoo you lit up

Galtean_prince: Aaravos is right, he's not bad looking

Crowntwunk: so...who's your friends?

Goatman69: LOTOR STOP

Dilfmage: um...well...uh...

Plaugemasochist: wait...you haven't told them

Crowntwunk: told us what

Starmage: well....

Goatman69: LOTOR FUCKING RESPOND TO THE DM DAMMIT

Plaugemasochist: so....oh wow this is awkward

Dilfmage: ....Aaravos is not the only one I've been...seeing.

Crowntwunk: ah...ok. so like everyone here is...like together with you?

Dilfmage: yes 

Crowntwunk:

Dilfmage: ....you're not...upset? 

Crowntwunk: dad. This is the happiest me and clauds have seen you in years. If they make you happy, I'm not gonna stand in the way of that 

Plaugemasochist:

Crowntwunk: if they break your heart, that's when I get upset

Goatman69: LOTOR

Galtean_prince: WAT

Goatman69: STOP WATCHING ONIONS VIDEOS

Galtean_prince: but

Goatman69:

Galtean_prince: why?

Crowntwunk: what is happening

Dilfmage: I dunno

Goatman69: LOTOR HAS A CRUSH ON ONION MAN AND IM TELLING HIM TO KEEP HIS FUCKING DICK IN LINE

Crowntwunk: dude

Galtean_prince: SHOW ME SOMEONE MORE ATTRACTIVE THEN

Crowntwunk: Challenge accepted

Plaugemasochist: ooooooo who is that cute piece of ass 

Starmage: a fine specimen indeed 

Goatman69: hello~♡ 

Galtean_prince: 

Crowntwunk: still thinking about onion?

Galtean_prince: who? 

Dilfmage:

Goatman69: who is that

Crowntwunk: yours truly

Plaugemasochist: WAIT

Plaugemasochist: YOU'RE VIREN'S SON

Galtean_prince: well good looks run in the family then hm?

Dilfmage: i....

Starmage: you wouldn't happen to be interested in...joining our little club, would you?

Dilfmage: WHAT ARE YOU DOING

Goatman69: I'm down if you are

Plaugemasochist: Aaravos are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Starmage: indeed

Crowntwunk:

Galtean_prince: well?

Crowntwunk: ....

Dilfmage: soren....i...

Crowntwunk: I mean...if dad's ok with it. Tho I think I know what you two are thinking and that's not happening

Galtean_prince: aw

Starmage: we'll see.

Dilfmage: AARAVOS I SWEAR IF YOU TRY SOMETHING

Starmage: 

Plaugemasochist: oh my god

Goatman69: it would be super fucking hot ngl

Crowntwunk:

Crowntwunk: dad...could we....have a talk? Later?

Dilfmage: log off.

**Dilfmage has left the chat**

Goatman69: oh shit

Crowntwunk: oh no

Plaugemasochist: we're coming over.

Goatman69: what

Starmage: yes

Galtean_prince:

Plaugemasochist: NOW.

Crowntwunk: oh no he's at my door

Starmage: talk to him, Soren. We'll be there soon.

**Starmage has left the chat**

**Plaguemasochist has left the chat**

Galtean_prince: so...we're going to Viren's?

Goatman69: yep

Crowntwunk: I'm scared.

Goatman69: don't be

Goatman69: you'll be ok cutie.

Crowntwunk: he doesn't sound mad...

Galtean_prince: I'm not sure what's going on?

Goatman69: I'll explain when I pick you up. Soren. Log off and talk to him.

Crowntwunk:...ok

**Crowntwunk has left the chat**

**Galtean_prince has left the chat**

Goatman69: I can't fucking believe this. Viren's got a hot son....nice

**Goatman69 has left the chat**


End file.
